You can't go in a bar！〃 she hissed。
〃I'm not going in；〃 I said absently； shaking her hand off。 〃I just want to see
something〃
〃Are you crazy？〃 she whispered。 〃Are you suicidal？〃
That question caught my attention； and my eyes focused on her。
〃No； I'm not。〃 My voice sounded defensive； but it was true。 I wasn't suicidal。
Even in the beginning； when
death unquestionably would have been a relief； I didn't consider it。 I owed
too much to Charlie。 I felt too
responsible for Renee。 I had to think of them。
And I'd made a promise not to do anything stupid or reckless。 For all those
reasons； I was still breathing。
Remembering that promise。 I felt a twinge of guilt。
but what I was doing fight now didn't really count。 It wasn't like I was
taking a blade to my wrists。
Jess's eyes were round； her mouth hung open。 Her question about suicide had
been rhetorical； I realized
too late。
〃Go eat；〃 I encouraged her； waving toward the fast food。 I didn't like the way
she looked at me。 〃I'll
catch up in a minute。〃
I turned away from her； back to the men who were watching us with amused；
curious eyes。
〃Bella； stop this right now！〃
My muscles locked into place； froze me where I stood。 Because it wasn't
Jessica's voice that rebuked
me now。 It was a furious voice； a familiar voice； a beautiful voice—soft like
velvet even though it was
irate。
It was his voice—I was exceptionally careful not to think his name—and I was
surprised that the sound
of it did not knock me to my knees； did not curl me onto the pavement in a
torture of loss。 But there was
no pain； none at all。