沒有什麼心事,不像我有那麼多的心事,你為什麼要這樣呢?
你就是我全身心愛慕的人——如果屋裡沒有你的話,我就覺得那空氣是汙濁的。你對我卻不是這樣——不——你可以等待——你有成百上千種活動——就算沒有我也會快活的。只要每天有社交活動,只要能消磨掉這一天的時間就行。
你將如何度過這個月呢?你將跟誰在一起嬉笑玩鬧呢?你也許會覺得我問這些有粗野之嫌。你沒有我這種感情——你不會明白什麼是愛
情——也許將來有一天你會明白——但現在時機未到。
請你捫心自問,濟慈在孤寂之中有多少時間給你帶來過不快?就我自己而言,我每時每刻都在忍受折磨,我之所以要說這些,正是因為我實在不堪忍受這種痛苦了。
以你所信仰的那位基督的鮮血的名義,我懇求你:如果你這個月又做了什麼讓我傷心欲絕的事情,那麼,就不要給我回信了。或許,你已經作出改變——如果沒有的話——如果你還是跟以前在舞廳或其他社交場所的所作所為一樣的話——我情願立刻去死——如果你依然無動於衷,我真想今天晚上就面見死神。
假如沒有你的話,我真的會活不下去,但僅僅有你還不夠,我需要的是貞潔而賢惠的你。日復一日,年復一年,你放浪形骸,放縱著自己——我的心每天要忍受多少痛苦啊,你對此毫不知曉——請正視這件事情!愛情可不是一場玩笑——我再重複一遍,除非你的心能像冰雪那樣晶瑩,否則就不要給我來信。我寧願沒有了你而含恨離世,也不想——txt電子書分享平臺
濟慈致芬尼·勃勞恩(2)
永遠忠於你的
約翰·濟慈
星期三晨(1820年於堪鐵許鎮)
John Keats
To
Wednesday Moring。 (Kentish Town; 1820)
My dearest girl;
I have been a walk this morning with a book in my hand; but as usual I have been occupied with nothing but you; I wish I could say in an agreeable manner。 I am tormented day and night。 They talk of my going to Italy。 It's certain I shall never I recover if I am to be so long separate from you;yet with all this devotion to you I cannot persuade myself into any confidence of you。
Past experience connected with the fact of my long separation from you gives me agonies which are scarcely to be talked of。 When your mother es I shall be very sudden and expert in asking her whether you have been to Mrs。 Dilke's; for she might say no to make me easy。 I am literally worn to death; which seems my only recourse。 I cannot forget what has passed。 What? nothing with a man of the world; but to me dreadful。
I will get rid of this as much as possible。 When you were in the habit of flirting with Brown you would have left off; could your own heart have felt one half of one pang mine