ping
my own stomach could
stand the sound and smell。 Jacob checked anxiously over his shoulder to make
sure his car wasn't
defiled。
The road felt longer on the way back。
Jacob was quiet； thoughtful。 He left his arm around me； and it was so warm
that the cold wind felt good。
I stared out the windshield； consumed with guilt。
It was so wrong to encourage Jacob。 Pure selfishness。 It didn't matter that
I'd tried to make my position
clear。 If he felt any hope at all that this could turn into something other
than friendship； then I hadn't been
clear enough。
How could I explain so that he would understand？ I was an empty shell。 Like a
vacant
house—condemned—for months I'd been utterly uninhabitable。 Now I was a
little improved。 The front
room was in better repair。 But that was all—just the one small piece。 He
deserved better than
that—better than a one…room； falling…down fixer…upper。 No amount of
investment on his part could put
me back in working order。
Yet I knew that I wouldn't send him away； regardless。 I needed him too much；
and I was selfish。 Maybe
I could make my side more clear； so that he would know to leave me。 The
thought made me shudder；
and Jacob tightened his arm around me。
I drove Mike home in his Suburban； while Jacob followed behind us to take me
home。 Jacob was quiet
all the way back to my house； and I wondered if he were thinking the same
things that I was。 Maybe he
was changing his mind。
〃I would invite myself in； since we're early；〃 he said as we pulled up next to
my truck。 〃But I think you
might be right about the f