little sick myself； but not for any physical reason。
How much I wished that Jacob Black had been born my brother； my flesh…and …
blood brother； so that I
would have some legitimate claim on him that still left me free of any blame
now。 Heaven knows I had
never wanted to use Jacob； but I couldn't help but interpret the guilt I felt
now to mean that I had。
Even more； I had never meant to love him。 One thing I truly knew—knew it in
the pit of my stomach； in
the center of my bones； knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my
feet； knew it deep in my
empty chest—was how love gave someone the power to break you。
I'd been broken beyond repair。
But I needed Jacob now； needed him like a drug。 I'd used him as a crutch for
too long； and I was in
deeper than I'd planned to go with anyone again。 Now I couldn't bear for him
to be hurt； and I couldn't
keep from hurting him； either。 He thought time and patience would change me；
and； though I knew he
was dead wrong； I also knew that I would let him try。
He was my best friend。 I would always love him； and it would never； ever be
enough。
I went inside to sit by the phone and bite my nails。
〃Movie over already？〃 Charlie asked in surprise when I came in。 He was on the
floor； just a foot from the
TV。 Must be an exciting game。
〃Mike got sick；〃 I explained。 〃Some kind of stomach flu。〃
〃You okay？〃
〃I feel fine now；〃 I said doubtfully。 Clearly； I'd been exposed。
I leaned against the kitchen counter； my hand inches from the phone； and tried
to wait patiently。 I thought
of the strange look on Jacob's face before he drove awa