growth on my chin。 Cancer taught me that。 Suffering； I learned； is as essential to a good life； and as inextricable2 as bliss。
Before cancer； whatever I imagined happiness to be； pretty soon I wore it out； took it for granted or threw it away。 A portfolio； a Porsche； a coffee machine—these things were important to me。 So was my hair。 Then I lost them； including the hair。
When I was 25； I was diagnosed with advanced testicular cancer； which had metastasized into my lungs and brain。 I sold my car； gave up my career as a world… class cyclist； lost a good deal of money and barely hung on to my life。 When I went into remission； I thought happiness would mean being self…indulgent。 Not knowing how much time I had left； I did not intent to suffer ever again。
I had suffered months of fear； chemotherapy so strong it left burn…like marks under my skin and surgery to remove two tumours。 Happiness to me then was waking up。 I ate Mexican food； played golf and lay on the couch。 The pursuit of happiness meant going to my favorite restaurant and pursuing a plate of enchiladas with tomatillo sauce。
Two events changed me。 The first happened one night at dinner。 My wife Kristin put down her fork and said； “You need to decide something： are you going to be a golf…playing； beer…drinking； Mexican…food…eating slob for the rest of your life？ If you are； I’ll still love you。 But I need to know because； if so； I’ll go and get a job。 I’m not going to sit at home while you play golf。”
I stared at her。
“I’m so bored。”she said。
Suddenly I understood that I was bored too。 Bored and purposeless。 I realized that responsibility； the routines and habits of shaving in the morning； having a job to do and a wife to love—these were the things that tied my days